So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
