so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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