I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
