Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
