ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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