If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize