I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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