Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
