I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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