Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
