My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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