Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
