K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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