I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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