I am puke
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
