went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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