If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
