Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
