Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
