i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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