Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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