So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
