When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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