wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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