Your tits are I can't wait for
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
