WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
