I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
