You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
