May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
this boner is exhausting
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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