Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
