I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
