i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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