I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize