Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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