i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize