i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
