i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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