my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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