Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
