What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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