On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize