If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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