who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
