You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
