i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
