Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I look better un-naked...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
