just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
