A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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