you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize