dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
