Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
