I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
