im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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