ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
