I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize