I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
