saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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