I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
