Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
