I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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