she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
