i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
