Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
