you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
