nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
