based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
