He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
