in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
