if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She bit a glass in half.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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