areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
