god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
