Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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