Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
