FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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