Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
