and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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