I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
