first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
