are you so shy because you have an std?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
