I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
