The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
