Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
