i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am one with the molecules
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
