There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
