Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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