The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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