If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
