Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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