i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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