Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize