she woke up with a sticky ear
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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