if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
