It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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