For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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