Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
