No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
