every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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