he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
