suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
