I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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