i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
