I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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