so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
